At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
