A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
