When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
