first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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