What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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