I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
