guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
