how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
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I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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