I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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