so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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