my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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