found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
