Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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