This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
