went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
