Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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