i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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