lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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