we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
please don't ironically join a cult
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