someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
