If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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