just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
