break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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