I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
