i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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