I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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