hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
