He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
