Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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