I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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