There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
