dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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