im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
