Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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