what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
