He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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