Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
