She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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