I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
