I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
