I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
