we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am one with the molecules
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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