After last night, I could never be a politician.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
