So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
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drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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