Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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