i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
