I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize