chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
