I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
