i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
