And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."