You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia