no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay