Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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