Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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