Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
