Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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