I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
