are you so shy because you have an std?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
