if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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