haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
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Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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