I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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