I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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