yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
