we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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