He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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