No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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