he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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