Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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