i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
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This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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