it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
