Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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