I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
