I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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