What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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