Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
